BRINGING THE "JOKES"

[ROLOHOTWHEELS]

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is
>freedom, in water there is bacteria.
>
> In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have
>demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the
>year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli)
>-bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
>
> However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or
>tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a
>purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
> Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
>
> Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink
>water and be full of nuts.
>
> There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
> I'm doing it as a public service. ;D

[superman]

Thanks Rolo, after this weakend Oct 6 race ends, i think i need a serious drink of the strongest whiskie there is

[ROLOHOTWHEELS]

GET A PENCIL AND PAPER BEFORE YOU START THIS JUST HOW GHETTO IS U??
>
>1. You've ever used an album cover for a dustpan. (5 points)
>
>2. If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street.
>(10points)
>
>3. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5 + 5 extra points if
>your house was the candy lady)
>
>4. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for
each)
>
>5. If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school.
>(2points)
>
>6. If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath. (5
points)
>
>7. If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got
tired
>of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made.
>(5 points)
>
>8. If you have ever played any of the following games: hide and go
>seek, freeze, tag, Momma may I? or red light/green light.
>(2 points each)
>
>9. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang

>a
>bell)
>
>10. If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers". (5
points)
>
>11. If you've ever run from the police on foot. (5 points + 5 if you
>got
>away)
>
>12. If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your
>stove. (5 points + 15 if you still do it)
>
>13. The batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece
>of tape. (5 points)
>
>14. If you have ever worn any of the following fragrances Brute, Hai
>Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson,
Charlie,
>or Faberge. (1 point each):
>
>15. You've ever used Tussy Deodorant. (5 points)
>
>16. You've never been to the dentist. (15 points)
>
>17. If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word
>said twice: dee-dee, fee-fee, man-man, Kay-Kay, lee-lee, ree-ree,
>ray-ray, nay-nay, tee-tee etc. (10 points)
>
>18. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
>
>19. ! You've e ver worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
>
>20. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense
>(for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc.) (5 points)
>
>21. You use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people ( for example
>Craig'n'em or Momma 'n'em). (5 points)
>
>22. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat.
>(5points)
>
>23. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking
it.
>(10 points)
>
>24. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (10
>points)
>
>25. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (2 points)
>
>26. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (5
>points)
>
>27. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words (10 points)
>
>28. You don't have your own place but your child has a leather coat
and
>a pair of Jordan's. (15 points)
>
>29. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10
>points)
>
>30. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)
>
>31. If you are going to have to use a calculator to add your points.
>(25points)
>
>-- Now the totals...
>
>0 - 50 points - I guess you were raised in the suburbs
>
>51 - 75 points - A bonafide ex-hood rat
>
>76 - 150 points - Spent a little time in the projects, huh?
>
>150 points or more - Still there, huh?
>
>FORWARD AND PUT YOUR SCORE IN THE SUBJECT BOX SO PEOPLE CAN SEE HOW
>GHETTO YOU REALLY ARE!!

[BAAHHUMBUG]

:oHEY MINE WAS 97. I WASN'T RAISED IN THE PROJECTS. SO I GUESS THAT MY PARENTS MIGHT HAVE BEEN AND I NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM HOOD RATS

[ROLOHOTWHEELS]

Those Born 1930-1979
READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO. IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE---VERY WELL STATED

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because,
WE WERE ALWAYS
OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms......
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good
While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us...pass this on.